I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
