Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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