Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
we're so committed to being not committed
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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