omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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