Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
