just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
