Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
