I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
