So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
