Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
