if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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