i don't like sucking hair
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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