you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
