i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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