Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
