if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
