this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize