Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we should paint friendship bongs
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