hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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