Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
