im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize