i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
