remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
