he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
