Did I show you my penis last night?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
