Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
