The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
