she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
