What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
