ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
