He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
