I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
