I think I died a long time ago.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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