I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
