So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
