Please don't use social media to get back at me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
