they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
