Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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