you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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