I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He better not be in your backpack
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
