Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
