I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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