id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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