Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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