You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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