my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
