Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
