If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
