Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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