You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he thought i was a dude.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
