I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
