Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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