oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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