he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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