My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize