So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
