I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize