i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
