why didn't you poke me back
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
