the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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