Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
