Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
