if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
