It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
