I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
