he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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