I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
