Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
