so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He felt like a one man threesome
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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