Cold hands, warm shart.
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
