Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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