I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
