So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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