nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
