why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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