I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
